And wandering with my thoughts, I ended up with an image of my little sister Sofia and I the day of her confirmation. I am kissing her on the cheek and she laughs, dressed in white, bright as the brightest of pearls in the ocean.
Many probably already understood that I "suffer" (no, is not a clinical condition) from the so called "FOMO" (Fear Of Missing Out), this weird syndrome that makes you feel that by not being somewhere you are gonna miss magical events, the one in a million opportunities.
And I feel like this happens everytime I am not with my family or where my heart beats.
But with Sofia, this fear reaches even deeper.
She is 7 years younger than me and even if this is not a big number on the paper, it makes me feel so old and far from her world.
From the beginning I feel like I was not there enough for her. I've always took for granted that she needed my other sister, with her bigger patience and maternal instinct, more than me. And I liked myself in the role of the irreproachable leader of the crew, that had to show responsibility and being the role model. Therefore I feel like our age difference and the definition of the roles in our small society, got transformed into a distance in feelings.
Many times I look at her and try to understand what she might think or feel, but I fail each time because I believe I don't know her enough.
Bu when I observe her way of moving through life, I see how amazingly different she is.
She has the most beautiful smile, that she can't help from showing in selfies and photographs.
She is entertaining and she likes to be around people. At the same time, despite being almost 14 (time flies) she has quite resolute character and firm ideas.
Last time I went home I spent a lot of time with her trying to learn how to play with the piano "River flows in you". Those moments locked safely in my heart. We laughed a lot and eventually we managed to give those bunch of notes on the score an almost harmonious sound.
And I thought that she is living one of the best periods of her life, the carefree adolescence. And she has grown up so fast.
And I wasn't there.
And I don't even know if I told her enough explicitly that I love her
We are like two melodies, our tempo runs differently, but below the different arrangement, our heartbeats are not so far from being coordinate.
 |
| My beautiful Sofia |
