3 Things

Today was absolutely not my day.
It was unsatisfying on so many levels and I can blame it on the boredom or maybe on how I react when I am bored.
It is not easy to go back to the student life. If before I enjoyed having free weekends and free-time in general, now I feel like I am wasting my life when I am not doing anything to keep myself occupied.
And I have to apologize with everybody who has to handle me on days like this (sorry family, sorry Y.). I know I tend to be quite moody and heavy when I am not happy on how I've spent my time. And I always end up being a little too whiny and grumpy.
Of course having nothing to do gives a lot of space to the overthinking me.
And I have to admit that usually I do not have extremely positive thoughts as a consequence of my dissatisfaction.
Today was no exception.
But I thought that it would have been quite a good exercise to find for each negative image in my mind a positive juxtaposition.
So here they are.
First: I can't help myself but think that I don't like what I see in the mirror. Let me explain this. When I am bored the only things that comforts me is food. I know it is wrong. It has been quite a while since I've started desiring to change my body image. But I am not doing enough to improve the situation. I always go back into the same pattern, which traces lines between my bed/sofa and the fridge/kitchen/food. I feel like I almost don't believe that I can change or maybe that changing would be too scary because of course people would look at me differently, judging me on the transformation I had. Anyways, all this thinking has put a lot of pressure on the way I see myself when I look at the girl staring in the mirror. That is everything negative I wanted to say on this point. On the positive note, there are lots of things I like about my body: my height, not too short or too tall; my shoulders, straight and proportioned; my hands, always cold but firm and strong; my eyes, big and of a shiny brown. Besides this, I try always to remember myself that I am not a body. I am ideas, dreams, energy, I have lots of things to say and I have a huge desire to discover and experience new worlds.
Second negative thought of the day regarded my incapacity of connecting to the others around me. Enough said about this. I am not able to connect to everybody as I would like to, but I also know that we can't reach everybody's heart in the same way and it is ok. We are not born to be friends of every human being on this planet. Those were my positive comments on this "problem".
Third and last negativity: I am still feeling insecure. Well, I have to say that to find something positive about this I needed some help. And my mom, as always, said something very appropriate. She said that I'e been through a lot of things and I will overcome this moment too. I thought about it and I couldn't stop myself from being proud of all my accomplishments. My middle school and high school years were not the best years of my life, but I had amazing results, I've grown up, traveled, shared my vision of the world with the people I've believed in, I've worked for six months in a foreign country where they speak the language I've feared the most, I've fallen in love. No, I am not insecure. I am a lion!
Oh wow.
It is amazing how I've managed to turn what was negative into positive.
While I was writing down, everything started seeming so silly and at the end of this post I can say with absolute certainty that almost every negative thing I said was the product of my bored mind.
I am feeling quite stupid for the fact that I even thought something like this.
Well, now I know that this is a method that works and that can cure my bad mood.
Once again, sorry for complaining so much.. I know that my "problems" are not even a fraction as big as the ones that other people have to face everyday.
But now I can go to bed almost smiling.
Good night everybody!